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Hurting.......

Friday, July 09, 2010

I FOUND something yesterday that broke my heart. Once again it is not fair to tell you another person’s business. This ONE almost put me over the edge because it was the last thing I ever expected and because she is my baby girl. First, I had a panic attack, then anger, got down on my knees, called the church, prayed, called the police, and shook and have not stopped since. Plus I haven’t had more than 4 hours of sleep since yesterday. I think if I had one wish from God it would be that we could make believers out of others, especially family. I know I can't and I have tried to get her back into church but the response I got was everyone at church is "fake." I tried to explain that there is a difference between being fake and being human....sure there are some that "pretend" to be Christ followers for deception but most people are just HUMAN. Trying to do better and walking the path at different paces. Of course I'm a hypocrite, I want to be all the things HE wants me to be ...but I am not. I don't pretend to be either. I do admit to giving advice to people that I don't live by myself and that is wrong....no excuse. THAT IS what GRACE is all about....we stumble but plod ahead. FORGIVEN. It's hard to grow from a spiritual baby to an obedient servant. But judging others hypocrisy is just an excuse for not looking at self. I know this because I spent YEARS doing it. Yes, we all have unfulfilled intentions, we are all sinners, we all have room for growth, but blaming others doesn't get you closer to God it pushes Him away. If I focus on others I can keep telling myself "at least I'm not that bad." I have found the only way I can mature is if I include my intimate personal relationship with Jesus (and He left us the Holy Spirit but I have much to work on there too in terms of understanding). I find it very easy to confuse what I THINK GOD wants me to do and what He's really guiding me to do. Lack of spiritual maturity or selfishness or many combined things fog my clarity but it is getting better. God knows our hearts so I feel like the mercy and grace is not limited to a quota. Just keep plodding on…. But as my best friend told me last night as I was crying and saying I was alone …he reminded me “GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU.” Yes, the comfort of others is needed but the relationship with God is essential! Thanks dear friend for talking to me on the phone in the middle of the night! Once again, wishing I wasn’t sharing my struggles “out loud” but know HE has a reason for it.

JUST A BROKEN ME TODAY ….I think I need some STOMP gospel to get me going…dance, and sing, and pray with me. YES I am GOING to dance to this video because GOD’s got me and you!

Photo Widgets and Slideshows - Good Widgets

Photo Widgets and Slideshows - Good Widgets awesome addition especially for mission trips, projects, and s succession of events. FREE

The Thorns He doesn't remove have a purpose.

This page is dedicated to Dr. Grant Scarborough, who’s devotion to the poor, homeless, addicted, and uninsured in the Augusta Community inspired me to making any possible resources and information available TO THE HELPING COMMUNITY AT LARGE.. I hope that more information and contributions are made and this blog is always under construction AND growing (like me!) and that others contribute by bringing their voice and opinions to “bridging the gap.”

Brief story …the beginning…6 weeks ago at my regular Dr’s. appointment he confided in me about a nameless person that he couldn’t get out of his mind. I saw his heart broken by a young crack addict who he was tempted to hunt down and admit into a rehab. I was in awe that he considered me a resource and shared the relentless mission on his heart. It dawned on me, that after 24 years in recovery, some of them as a counselor, that most people in the professional fields and pastoral roles have little understanding of addiction and even with the most sincerest of hearts their efforts can sometimes either get them into trouble: (never chase down an active crack addict) or get a high desperate woman in your car alone!) and often leave them frustrated by the circular patterns of addiction- despite help.The pastoral community, as well, sometimes fails to see that they sometimes only confirm to an addict the exact opposite of what they intended!  I have also witnessed the reverse damage, to the degree that it cost the actual lives of some, when people in recovery programs give medical advice to someone without knowing the full facts or the medical degree to access the situation.Misinformation can be deadly!

So, my first contribution will be bits and pieces of information, including dangerous Misinformation and myths,  that maybe valuable along the way if you have occasion to help someone plagued with this “thorn”. I will also include websites, rehabs, and books, that will help. The ultimate conclusion I have come to is that it takes a combination of resources, that rarely work together, for the best outcome. Again, this is just my opinion, it comes mostly from experience and pain, some from education, some from observance, and  I speak ONLY from that perspective. I hope we all can come together and “bridge the gap.”

It is my belief that there is NO FREEDOM from addiction WITHOUT GOD and even then the torment may continue (Paul’s thorn) but if you reach the mercy and grace of God, your experience can be turned into purpose, and JOY despite the trials, will be the byproduct, if your motive is to GLORIFY HIM!

Long road…...full blown crack and heroin addict to the forgiven child of the King….. 

Many problems, trials, and temptations, have the same solution although it doesn’t appear that way at the time. This website is NOT exclusively about addiction…...it about THE SOLUTION!

Addiction is just a symptom, there are many other symptoms of a damaged heart or soul.

The solution, however, is NEVER CHANGING CONSTANT GOD!  

What’s my role in this? To serve God as one of the people honored with the blessing of bridging the gap between HOPELESSNESS to HOPE! How? However he leads me!

I walk a free woman, full of imperfections, flaws, and sin, but because of our loving and merciful God, I am only viewed by him as HIS PERFECT CHILD. My forgiven sins, paid for at the ultimate expense of the blood  of Jesus Christ, are too great a sacrifice to ignore. I can barely see what HE has in store for me next!

My blog: directed more towards non believers, tells more of my own story and path, not a pretty story either, but the truth.and an ongoing journey. HOPEFULLY IT WILL be full of resources and grow in time.

With love and devotion,

God's spiritual baby girl!

Karin

A New Day!

I just can't imagine where I would be without knowing that every day with God begins new....like a clean chalkboard. The only person who forgets it is me! I carry the weight of old baggage that God has already lifted. Why? Don't I believe Him? What about the NEW baggage I CREATE? YUP, he will lift that too... Faith, or lack of it. Foolish me such a spiritual baby. Well, I'm getting up and for today, remembering my chalk board is CLEAN! My prayer today is to draw a beautiful picture for HIM, a masterpiece of HIS love on my chalkboard!

Max Lucado Daily: God’s Salvation

Posted: 07 Jul 2010 11:01 PM PDT

“It is not our love for God; it is God’s love for us in sending his Son to be the way to take away our sins.”  I John 4:10

Please note: salvation is God-given, God-driven, God-empowered, and God-originated. The gift is not from man to God. It is from God to man . . .

Grace is created by God and given to man.

little Karin....a bookmark...used up my 15 minutes of fame before I was one....oh well!

Benny Golson                                        ____   Quincy Jones

                                            

http://www.radiovideojazz.com/quincy-ladies/  

song little Karin, written about me as a gift for my Mom by Benny Golson preformed by Quincy Jones on his album Mode!

CREDITS

Image Flicker

Ladies Love Affair Photo by Saquan Stimpson

Tracklist

Lesley Gore - It’s My Party02.14

Quincy Jones - Nina03.57

Quincy Jones - Theme for inga02.27

Tata Vega - Miss Celie’s Blues02.29

Peggy Lee - As Time Goes By02.49

Sarah Vaughan - The thrill is gone02.28

Shirley Horn - The Spell You Spin02.37

Quincy Jones - What’s New Pussycat02.46

Quincy Jones - Little Karin03.43 *****

Astrud Gilberto - Who Needs Forever03.01

Vanya Borgess - Ai No Corrida04.03

Dinah Washington - They Didn’t Believe Me02.48

Betty Carter - Moonlight in Vermont03.21

Letta Mbulu - Many Rains Ago04.45

Whole Lot Of Shakin’ Goin’ On02.57

Come Back Charleston Blue02.06

Liza05.32

Tribute To Benny Carter06.27

I’m Beginning To See The Light04.02

Jessica’s day06.29

Videos YouTube

Jazz Icons: Quincy Jones- Live In ‘60

Foundation...looking at mine.

"Experience and preparation has [had] to be mixed with obedience" 

 Os Hillman

Praying for obedience. Please pray along with me! Scary sometimes knowing my house is built on sand (Not all of it, but too much). I grew up on Long Island and saw what happened to the beach houses after a hurricane (destroyed so bad you can't even buy insurance on natural disasters on that coastline!).
Not pretty and I know a few things looking at my God reflection in the mirror:

•  It's NOT about ME! 
• Self absorption and obedience don't work together. Main Entry: self–ab·sorp·tion Pronunciation: \-ˈsȯrp-shən, -ˈzȯrp-\Function: noun Date: 1835: preoccupation with oneself
• No one can be forced into obedience (in the long run) 
• God has no "Grandchildren"  that HURTS SOOOO MUCH!)
•  Knowing and not applying,  even a honest look in the mirror, doen's change anything.

Worst of all... there are some things I don't want to change! I hate that! I love my Camel cigarettes, I fear tithing sometimes because I'm scared they are going to turn a utility off (lack of faith). And more.....

So, Living Out loud, is my way off trying to share building my foundation on the ROCK! I share it so that it may touch your heart and you can build with me....maybe one day you'll be out of nails and my hammer breaks and we can build together!

Love ME

So I'm not an artist! But thats my nugget!

DAILY MERCY

FOR THOSE OF US WHO DARE TO LOOK AT THE THE REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR ! I AM THANKFUL HE CAME FOR US.

But the Pharisees and their teachers of religious law complained bitterly to Jesus’ disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with such scum?” Jesus answered them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

Luke 5:30-32, NLT          

I FAIL RIGHTEOUSNESS 101 EVERYDAY ...NO DEGREE...JUST AN ONGOING EDUCATION...THAT I DON'T APPLY AS WELL AS I KNOW.

DAILY MERCY....WHERE WOULD WE BE WITH OUT IT!

YUP THAT' WILL ALWAYS BE MY GIRL!

hhhhhhhhhMMMMM

IT'S NOT A GOODBYE- IT'S A NEW BEGINNING.
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE U!
FOREVER AND ALWAYS! MAMA

I'm not who I was- In concert Spring 2010 Aiken SC

Brandon Heath FROM MY PHONE!
Always Awesome and life changing!

FREEDOM FOR ALL? Just wondering?

FREEDOM FOR ALL?   Just wondering?Sunday, July 04, 2010

FREEDOM FOR ALL?   Just wondering?

 

Enjoy that BBQ but don't forget! Love MAMA

What would you do if you saw this man downtown?  Walk right by and look the other way? Wish we kept our homeless population further hidden from our main streets? Think he was a filthy drunk and addict (and what if he was?). What if he said he hadn't eaten would you give him money to eat or just justify to yourself that he would just spend it on drugs. Would you bring him home and let him shower? Would you put ointment on his wounds? Would you take a bottle of perfume that cost your husband a year’s salary to wash his feet.  Would you even tell him where the Salvation Army was????  Would you put him in that detailed BMW and drive him there?