"AS IS"

Thursday, June 10, 2010

GOD BOUGHT AND PAID FOR US IN “AS IS CONDITION!”

Ever buy a car with a sticker that said “FOR SALE” AS IS! Did it break down as you drove it off the lot?

That’s usually an indicator that it’s a mess and you ought to go find one that comes with a warranty! God loves us so much he takes us “AS IS” and knows we are broken already!

I believe the greatest tool the enemy has against us is one we hand him on a silver platter! OURSLVES! I know I’m my worst enemy…and the lies that I tell myself are confirmed by the devil daily! How? Our greatest weaknesses are his greatest strongholds. Once again, my musings are inspired by a song I saw on a friend’s Facebook wall. I know she’s been going through hell and I keep trying to reach out. I love her to bits. I hadn’t heard it in a while…loved Pink Floyd in my High School days…so I watched the video and listed to the lyrics….wish you were here.. (I don’t wish anyone was there …stuck in that fishbowl!) Dang I was 17 when this song came out! 

Starts with…so you think you can tell heaven from hell? Then the temptations and confusions….

Then  asks “ …a lead role in a cage….”

Listen closely to the words…….

So many indicators about deception, the need for trading our “real” freedom for instant relief”,  a relationship centered around another person instead of God centered, patterns….. It’s just so indicative of the cyclical patterns that keep us away from God and sinking into the quicksand.

STUCK! Stuck being wherever…not moving to the point of CHOICE…a decision! We DO have a way out. I only speak from my experience as I have no soapbox to stand on. I hope it is enough to touch your heart.

Why is it one of evil's greats tool? Because we believe it and our WORLD supports the message! First, this is not a blame thing, it a circumstantial setting. I come from a society that "fixes" or disposes of everything immediately. There is a title loan on every block to get you out of this week’s debt and put you deeper in hole the next. A pill for every ache, pain, and feeling. A pint of ice cream for every lonely heart (my favorite is mint chocolate chip!). A new man for every difficult relationship issue to tell you what you what to hear. A store to spend money on things you don't need or want 2 days later.  Instant gratification, like a band aide, falls off in the shower, and then you need a new one! It only appears to solve the problems, often making them worse. I say this after 3 failed marriages (mostly of my own doing), hundreds of unpaid debts, broken relationships, countless addictions to food, drugs, alcohol and ego building (work accomplishments) ....repeating the same circular patterns (disguised as new ones) only to find more discouragement. Sometimes to the deepest dark places of wishing it would just end.

I can't remember a time in my life (moments yes, long periods no) where I was content or satisfied. The world (or the message I received from my world) was to succeed on your on will and strength and you'll be happy! I can't and won't speak for anyone else but even when I was at the top of my careers (several), had a great husband, beautiful kids, nice house, no debt and all the other components to the "American Dream" I was miserable and left with the aching feeling that I was missing something. My disease...I refer to it as the disease of "MORE" ..(.my drug of choice) comes in too many forms. The most outward noticeable one is addiction, which, for a while relieved the aches temporary. The others, some very subtle still haunt me.

My biggest failure was perception and always looking outside of myself for the missing pieces. On the rare occasions that I looked inside or to spiritual answers, I didn't like what I saw, didn't see myself clearly, and my vision only would allow the "tangible" to be real. The God of the religions I sought didn't answer my Santa Claus list so I ruled them out...plus I could never live up to the "rules." I wanted INSTANT GRATIFICATION, magic, POOF! I wanted tangible results that I could measure and others would see.

I was missing me and missing God...both indispensable...and had to go to the ends of the earth, avoiding both, until I finally surrendered.

Then a step further....finding bits and pieces of a broken me.... and finding God ....didn't work until it became a "relationship”- that hardest part!  Even now it remains a daily process. One no one can "find" or develop it for you... but some will travel with you! Thanks for those who hold me up and have taught me so much...more by actions than words

That's one of my most difficult pieces because all that was left of me was so tattered and broken I was certain that God COULDN'T forgive me or if He would I had to “clean my act up” first. Impossible, I always failed on my own power! Then when I came to Him broken and a failure I was certain I had used up my quota of mercy several times over. Even then I still tried but would continue to fall short daily (I still do!). Being the "great thinker" that I am (good place to really laugh hard), I assumed that God's was always willing to forgive- but the proviso was that it had to be new mistakes (not the same ones over and over!). Doomed. Certain at that point there was a God, but I blew it, I tried to do the best I could at being a good person (mostly to feel good about myself) but gave up on developing a relationship with God. No point…a failure in Alcoholics Anonymous (measured by time sober and clean) and a failure a church (self measured by sin quota!). What’s left? Well, I kept going back to both time and time again anyway – basically because there was nowhere else left to go! A FAILURE.

A HUGE LIE!!!!!! I had given up on God but He never gave up on me!

Well HE didn't let ME GO! I slowly learned about mercy, stopped putting God into my FINITE mind with boundaries I created, studied, joined worship, and started a more intimate PERSONAL relationship with God. Now...like I said there are parts of my story I hate disclosing but they are important!

One on the reason's I refer to Paul's thorn so much is it saved my life! An intimate relationship doesn't relieve us of our SELVES! Paul's thorn, which God could have removed in a second, remained for a purpose.

Today, I write because it's the only way I know how to share what I have learned and am learning. I didn't learn much from others mistakes because I always thought "it would be different for me!" so I imagine you won't learn anything from mine...but if I continue to live OUT LOUD , maybe, just maybe, you'll watch God transforming me and hope that you are encouraged by it. I pray that I touch your heart with my open joys and struggles, because, I am just a common person with an extraordinary GOD!  That's who God's use most often, the weak and least likely for the job! The ones willing to set themselves aside, despite the rejection from others, the criticism, the judgment, and more,  to live as a light to glorify him.

Many like Martin Luther King, Billy Graham, inspired preachers and teachers, and more share so much of HIS love and mercy and their "walk and talk" don't contradict themselves. Mine story isn't like that. Nor are many in the bible.  Paul....one of Jesus's most devoted disciples denied him 3 times before He was crucified. Moses stuttered and was disobedient; Thomas doubted Jesus until He proved himself...the list goes on. Humans with failures.

The purpose of Jesus’s sacrifice. God knew we COULDN’T do it.  He’s quick…learned that one with Adam and Eve! So, when I stand before God on judgment day….Jesus is there and steps in for me to say “DAD I got That ONE COVERED!” Pretty amazing stuff! What a huge sacrifice, God gave HIS son as a living sacrifice to cover our inability to lie sinless lives. The only requirement is faith, NOT WORKS, (like other religions). We work to Glorify God out of LOVE not out of duty!

So, broken me, only has to offer you a complicated mind (screwed up by years of abuse), some huge character defects, (that i naturally want to hide), and the day to day struggles of life one day at time. I don’t handle most of them well at all and don’t want you to think for a second I am something I am not.  I failed marriage and parenting 101 class so many times it’s a joke. The same mouth that prays to God curses like a sailor (working on it), need constant care for depression and anxiety, and I am more comfortable in isolation than around most people!  YES, admittedly, I really would like to leave all that personal information to myself but it’s more important to me that you understand that HIS love is not determined by our “condition.”  On a scale of 1-10 on the “fruits of the spirit” I’d give myself a 2 ½……and despite all that HE LOVES ME! I am and continue to be a work in construction which I share so you don’t get discouraged. I believe that time will change some of these shortcomings and the others I will have to live with. But either way …it can serve a purpose if I allow myself to be clay in HIS hands.  

Some people call that HYPOCRITICAL- I call it honest.

Telling you I am “healed” is a lie and is far less important than telling you I am forgiven and loved!  With all my areas for refinement and plenty of thorns to keep I “right sized,” I keep God pretty busy all on my own! (You can laugh again!) 

CONFIDENT IN HIS WORD I TRUST THE JOURNEY.

I am living proof that He doesn't care what shape we are in when we arrive at His doorstep…

Just as long as we arrive.

Today’s blog, as usual, is longer than I intended (Brevity is not my strong suit) I was going to leave this commentary out but it is such a valuable key to an intimate, one on one, relationship with God I would do you an injustice but not including it. One of my biggest barriers was forgiving myself, long after God had!

SELF PORTRAIT

Forgiving Ourselves
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1, by Os Hillman
06-08-2010

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9

The apostle Peter was one of three disciples who walked with Jesus closer than the other nine. He was the most enthusiastic and the one man who was willing to step into territories where others would not dare. He was the first to step out of the boat and walk on water. He wanted to protect Jesus at times when Jesus rebuked him for having a demon influence him. He cut off the ear of the guard who wanted to arrest Jesus in the garden. As Peter matured, the Holy Spirit harnessed his many extreme emotions.

The greatest trial for Peter was when he denied the Lord just before Jesus was crucified. Three times he denied knowing Jesus. Jesus predicted that the cock would crow after the third time just to reinforce the prophecy to Peter. Peter was crushed when he realized he had failed His Lord so badly.

The Lord forgave Peter for his denial. However, gaining forgiveness from Jesus was not the most difficult part for Peter. The hard part was forgiving himself. As we mature in the faith, we begin moving in victory after victory with our Lord. Then out of nowhere, an event happens that reveals our true sin nature, and we are confronted face to face with this reality. We cannot believe that we are capable of such sin. There is no good thing in us save the grace of Jesus Christ and His blood that cleanses us. When God looks at us, He looks at the blood of Christ that has covered our sin. He does not look at our sin once we confess it.

When we have difficulty forgiving ourselves, this is pride at its deepest level. We are making an assumption that we should never have sinned and that we are too mature to sin. This is a trap from the enemy of our souls. People who cannot forgive do not recognize from what they have been forgiven. That includes us. 

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders