“Live Like You Used To Dream”

Sunday, May 16, 2010 6:30 AM

“Live Like You Used To Dream”

“Can you feel the call? The love moving you?” Brandon Heath from the song Confortable.  Yes, I feel the call to do exactly that…to let His love move me is a such a way that my life glorifies Him. The song starts out by saying DON’T get comfortable! Well, I’m certainly not! Writing and sharing my path daily is very uncomfortable. It would be much easier for me to let this endeavor go and not concern myself with sharing the message I have in my heart. It makes me feel very bare and over exposed. I don’t like that. My instinct is to protect myself in all ways. Opening my life up does the exact opposite and leaves me feeling way to UNCOMFORTABLE. But there lies the twist…I have to be reminded daily IT’S NOT ABOUT ME! I don’t have to protect myself; I couldn’t if I wanted to. HE is my protestor. So I shall plod on and follow my heart.

On the other side of this fear of exposure is the anticipation and excitement of where HE is leading me. What will the day bring? What opportunities will I be given to touch the lives of others? To me, that is living like I used to dream about, another reference to the praise song above that I used as this morning’s motivational message.

I was so excited yesterday I started the Blog page before my friend even got the opportunity to finish the website…so much going on. Excitement, despite the critics, has flooded me.  I believe in my heart that this is where I need to be. I also believe with as much conviction that I need to be  VERY CAREFUL for several reasons. Most importantly I have to ask myself : Who’s in the driver’s seat? ME OR GOD? Assuredly, if it is me, the motivation will fade and the purpose dull. Unquestionably, if it is me, nothing of significance will result.

My prayer this morning is that He leads me to YOUR heart… that I get the blessing of being a small part of your path to His light.  As much as I would like to have control of that, I have none. Yesterday as I was writing and designing the blog page, my oldest daughter, Serenity, expressed the concern that I was getting “consumed” once AGAIN! My children have seen me consumed by “something” all their lives. Unfortunately the consumption was usually negative so it naturally impacted them with negative consequences.  How do I explain that God CONSUMPTION is the most sought after joy any human can experience? There are no words, only actions. So Father, I pray that YOU CONSUME ME! That as you drive my life today I am joyfully compelled by your love and direction. I pray that I stay uncomfortable and let you stretch me. I pray to have the strength and focus to do your will …wherever it leads me.

Sunday is church day. That, to some in our world today, has such a dreaded obligation attached to it. Or to most in our world today has no meaning at all. I used to feel the same way. I hated church. First of all, it was full of people that I referred to as hypocrites. To make it worse it was full of people whose lives I was inwardly jealous of. My distorted perception could only see, that once again, I DIDN’T FIT. Further, I erroneously believed that I had to change my life before God would forgive me (IF He ever would). How foolish, I spent countless wasted years trying to CHANGE MYSELF! The only result I ever got was failure. I felt weak and defeated and tried to hide myself from the world and others. The “masks” I put on for others always failed me eventually because it was all fictitious. Then came the” geographical cures” – moving somewhere new to “start over”! Guess what? Where ever I went….I showed up! Damn it made me mad and all I was doing was building a history of continued failures. I grew up in a generation of people trying to find “themselves” while I was fruitlessly busy trying to lose myself. Impossible. What next? ……I’ll leave you hanging there …so much more to come.

Sunday TODAY, for me…I can barely wait for service. It’s the best part of my week. I can’t wait to see my friends and learn what God is teaching my church family. I can’t wait to learn a new way to APPLY HIS love in my life. Yes, where I go to church the message is RELEVANT and APPLICABLE. We don’t waste our time telling people they are going to burn in Hell if they don’t change because that is a lie…We are told the truth, repent YES, be responsible to change ourselves, NO! Now don’t assume by my statement that just sitting back and expecting God to change us works either. There is, as in any relationship, a two way street in this process and I AM REQUIRED TO PARTICIPATE! Yes, I have to do my part. That sometimes gets confusing to me…His Part and My Part! But direction and prayer help with that. BUT NONE OF THIS HAPPENS OVER NIGHT! It is a process and the beginning of the process for me came from COMPLETE DEFEAT AND BROKENNESS. I was stubborn however and listened to the world for way to long. It told me to GET UP…brush myself off…and TRY AGAIN! No, that didn’t work. BROKEN again- even worse this time!  How many times can you be broken? How many times can you hurt and disappoint the people you love and are closest to you? How many times are you willing to lie to others and yourself?  How many times can you promise that “things” will change? Well, I suppose it depends on if you are as stubborn and thick as me! I have seen many literally die trying. Now, knowing, I see such waste and pain. The lives destroyed. The deaths without salvation. My dear God, why?

The suicides.

The overdoes.

The living dead.

All of these are part of my intense motivation. My story, and why I feel so compelled to tell it, includes the most important part to me, and that is the path to the answer. How I found it is only unique to me. The rest of the story is not unique at all. There is nothing in my life that has not happened to someone else….somewhere. There is nothing I ever need to hide again because I’m not BOUND by the chains of my past.

THERE IS NO HOPE FOR A CHANGED PAST!

Also, before I wind up, nothing I say is unique either. It is something that I have heard, been taught, or learned by experience.  Where ever I can I will credit the “teacher” or source.

2 hours later and still writing….hoping that YOU are still reading…. Almost time for me to get ready for church…then I get to share it with YOU! Yes, I think Sundays will be a two journal installment day.

I just love my mornings and I never know what message He is going to speak through my life today. What a change! Most of my life I spent wishing I wouldn’t wake up at all and now I can’t wait for my day to begin!

I especially love sharing my mornings with You. Yes, I am alone in my room – puppy at my side …but I am so NOT ALONE…God is with me and You are all here with me in my heart.

“FOREVER MAMA” aka Karin