I have a story to tell. It’s funny because my son always says he’s going to write a book but I just might beat him to it. Why? Because it is our stories-our experience-that truly has value to give hope to the hopeless. The difficult part for me is that the most valuable parts of my story are the parts that I DON’T want to share. The parts that I tried to hide, to medicate, to escape from, and to mask all my life! But I found that it is our trials and valleys, at least mine, that teach us the most about sharing hope. The wonderful parts and the mountain tops I call “bookmarks” and those I will share as well along the way.
About a month ago I was driving home from Atlanta late at night dropping a friend at work and on my trip home, about 3 hours, I spent a lot of time thinking and talking to God. Am I crazy? Absolutely – but not because I talk to God! I was listening to a song and I’ll share some of the lyrics and praying when God TOLD me, YES, I said that, to not let my experiences go to waste….that it wasn’t MY STORY that was important …it’s HIS story that is. Mostly shame and guilt want to prevent me from telling others about myself….when in reality I am NOT UNIQUE! Millions of people have been through some of the same experiences and to take it a step further…it’s not just the experiences that are important but where they bring us and what we do with them …THAT is what is important.
I can only tell MY story…and from the start I will tell you, before you continue to read, that it is the story of how I struggled and searched …..that’s the first 45 years ….then found God. All I can tell you is I believe that what I am going to share will work for anyone and I believe that with all my heart! (Seek and ye shall find!) If that isn’t what you are looking for …read anyway… my story is like a bad novel…full of horror, abuse, filth, and life…at it’s best and worst!
Now, why am I sharing it here on Facebook? Well THAT PART was not planned at all at least NOT BY ME! But after a year and 10,000 plus friends on 4 accounts I sure do have an audience! The night I was driving home I wrote for hours before falling to sleep but it was coming out all wrong. Then after church on Sunday I decided to stop using Mafia wars as an escape but to keep the true friends I had met along the way. I wrote a letter to all of you explain my reasons why and yesterday I got a comment on my wall saying I shouldn’t expose myself…….THANK YOU…… that’s exactly what I need to do! It said more so I’ll enclose the quote but even if one person, and only one person, life changes because they found HOPE through what I “expose “ then it will be worth it to me.
HIS EXACT QUOTE “PLEASE. Please do not confuse contemplation with reality. How can you know the darkness without confronting it, without contemplating the lesser choice. If you do not know why you would make the lesser choice then you have no defense against it. Quitting a simple game is sadly excused by fear. I find that I understand the darker among our brothers and sisters by role playing. If you cannot detatch yourself from mere amusement, then sure perhaps you should shy away from such games.Be warned however, this exposes a weakness in that you are unable to seperate yourself from your darker nature under such circumstances. Or perhaps that which wants you to turn off your defenses and poses to be the better, and tells you to ignore this weakness, wants you to release these defenses and allow your weakness to prevail, so that they may exploit you?”
MY RESPONSE>>>>John I don't mind being exposed...light and dark....so that I can honest about who I am. I did not leave OUT OF FEAR but courage....it was an escape...i'm just following a power bigger than you. Bless you for opinion but I am not concerned with the opinions of people who who don't have my best interests at heart.
I had intended to write my story in journal form but now because I have the access to all of you it’s PERFECT! Don’t read on if the dark side isn’t what you want to know about…but I am sure of the fact that until I knew my dark side the LIGHT could not shine. And NO the light is not mine …it’s His! Until I was broken and fell to my knees there was no hope. I have a friend who always ends her AA story with “the WORLD TELLS you…. you made your own bed lie in it! But a GREATER ONE than that says “Pick up YOUR mat and WALK!”
That’s The beginning part 1!
I love you FOREVER MAMA…The fun part is being able to tell you at the end for those that don’t already know, how I was Blessed with the HONORED title “forever mama” from one of my BEST FRIENDS who also has shined his light with all of you!
It is nice to see that people can share the bad with the good and ain't afraid to show it nice one Karin I salute you.
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